But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize
