I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize