I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
