i used baking grease as lip gloss
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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