After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
