I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
