8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
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