I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
