i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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