just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize