you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Be still, my beating vagina.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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