The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I just pynch a tree in the face
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
