Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
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