So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I need to calm my uterus...
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
