btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
