My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
