well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize