He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
