I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
