I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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