Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
