I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
