I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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