She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
