I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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