Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
