I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
