Soap is not a condiment
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
