you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
