I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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