when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
love makes seman taste better
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
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