How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
