wakey wakey hands off snakey
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize