I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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