Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
