I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Randomize
