Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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