just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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