question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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