i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize