You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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