just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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