Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
