This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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