then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
