She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize