um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Randomize
