Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
