I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
