hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Randomize
