Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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