After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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