Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Holy sore nipples Batman
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Randomize
