9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
