Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
