Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize