At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
