honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
