So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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