i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Randomize
