I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
