marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
