I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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