After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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